Building Trust After Infidelity with 3 Key Steps

If you and your partner have weathered infidelity, it can seem like figuring out what comes next is uncharted territory. Maybe you were the one to had to come clean to your partner about being dishonest. Or maybe you found out that your partner hadn’t been loyal.

Either way, you’ve decided to stay together and try to make things work. But now, you’re wondering what you can do to regain trust in each other.

It is possible to cultivate trust after infidelity. This won’t happen overnight, but if you and your partner are both dedicated to staying together for the long haul despite your past, you can build a solid foundation for your relationship. These three key steps will help you reestablish trust after infidelity.

1. Be Totally Honest

Dishonesty is at the core of infidelity. A lie came between you and your partner. And now, as you try to rebuild trust, being completely honest with each other is the first step. Tell the truth, even when you’re angry, embarrassed, or uncomfortable.

It can be tough to get used to. But setting this expectation for yourself and your partner can help you move forward.

Being truly vulnerable isn’t easy, especially after you’ve been hurt. And if you were the one who committed infidelity, you may have had a habit of stretching the truth before, and revealing your true feelings now can be hard.

During this time, speaking up even when you might have held your tongue before is necessary. It’s a messy yet essential aspect of the healing process. Try to be patient with each other as you open up.

2. Communicate Clearly

Clear communication will help you and your partner stay on the same page. Before you go out somewhere, let your partner know where you’re headed and who you will be with. If you need your partner’s help with something, ask them ahead of time.

If you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, tell them you want to make time to talk about the issue, rather than letting it simmer under the surface.

This doesn’t mean that you and your partner have to monitor each other’s every move. And it doesn’t mean that you can never do anything spontaneously, either. But chances are, either you or your partner hid important details from each other.

Infidelity occurs in secrecy. Therefore, the solution involves a high degree of transparency within your relationship.

3. Focus on the Future

For a while, you may have felt like every time you tried to move forward in your relationship, you ended up rehashing the past again. But eventually, you need to shift your focus towards the future. What goals do you and your partner have? Where do you want to be a few years from now? What do you want to your life together to look like?

Once you’ve addressed the disconnect that led to infidelity, you can think about what comes next.

There will undoubtedly be times when you have to talk about the past. You don’t have to bury it and ignore it. Spending more time thinking and talking about the future will help you both feel more optimistic. If you’re having trouble making this transition on your own, working with a couples counselor can help.

Having someone else guide you through the process and give their objective feedback can help you both see your situation more clearly.

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Are you and your partner struggling to rebuild your relationship after infidelity? Couples counseling can help you heal together. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.