Do you feel like your shopping is out of control and is having a negative impact in your life?
Do you find yourself using shopping as a way to deal with stress, feel better about yourself and find relaxation?
Do you find much of your time centers around shopping for new things?
Do you find your shopping is taking a toll on your finances, your relationships or your ability to focus on work and/or other activities?
Do you frequently experience guilt and shame after shopping?
Overshopping or Compulsive buying is a serious problem that has painful consequences for people struggling with it. The most obvious consequences are usually financial, but overshopping also has a huge impact on our relationships, on our ability to concentrate at work and be productive, and on our mood as it often leads to feelings of frustration, shame and guilt.
Overshopping can also have an impact on our health as people experience high levels of anxiety and stress about their debt or their inability to stop overspending. People who frequently overshop may find that they start accumulating items and this can impact their living spaces and potentially result in problems with clutter; some people may even become hoarders.
People with compulsive buying issues also find themselves unable to afford other activities they may enjoy due to their excessive shopping, or they may not have the time to dedicate to other joyful activities or hobbies because shopping takes most of their time and constantly floods their thinking. People with overshopping problems also may feel as if their life lacks meaning, they may feel at times hollow or disconnected from nature, unable to appreciate beauty in experiences and nature.
Overshopping has been referred to as “the smiled upon addiction” because it is not widely acknowledged as a growing problem in our society and this makes it a lot more difficult for people to find the help they need. Overshopping usually causes feelings of extreme guilt and shame and it is not uncommon that people struggling with compulsive buying often feel isolated and disconnected from others.
People struggling with overshopping often experience ambivalence about stopping their behavior because shopping also has brought excitement, an outlet for expressing their creativity, a way to repair their mood or sometimes an attempt to feel better about themselves. Therefore it is not uncommon for them to feel that “giving up” on overshopping means leaving their only source of joy aside.
The truth is that shopping can be a wonderful experience when it is mindful, organized and purposeful. With the help of specialized treatment, it is possible to develop a specific set of skills and use tools that can help you learn to shop in a healthy and mindful way. You can go back to feeling in control of your shopping urges and make decisions that are aligned with your values, your goals, your finances and most importantly, your real and underlying needs.
Overshoppers can access professional help, too.
In our practice, Marcela has been working with overshoppers for over 15 years. In her experience, overshopping is as serious as any other addiction out there. The most difficult issue that she feels most overshoppers face, is that they feel profoundly alone and many times have carried this issue with overshopping all by themselves as a secret that tends to be a big source of self-doubt, inadequacy and low self-esteem. Paradoxically, overshoppers also feel that shopping is perhaps their “only source” of joy and therefore they create an unhealthy cycle that leads to profound isolation and loss of control.
Marcela was professionally trained to help people with overshopping and overspending issues and she has worked with people all over the US, as well as internationally, to help people struggling with these issues.
The good news is that help is available and there are things you can do to develop a better relationship with shopping and money. Marcela has experience working with individuals in person or via phone or video conference. She has also co-led phone and in-person groups in New York City for people struggling with overshopping. If you are experiencing issues with overshopping and/or overspending please know that help is available and that you will get specialized help for this difficult growing problem in our society. If you would like to learn more about Marcela’s experience you can go to her bio here.
In our sessions, we will look at your personal history, your relationship with money, your reasons for overshopping and/or overspending. We will also look at the most powerful triggers, the financial and non-financial consequences of your overshopping and, the costs and benefits of your overshopping. During sessions we will also examine how overshopping may have gotten in the way of what you value the most in life.
For most people struggling with overshopping and/or overspending, it is important to look deeply at the underlying needs that they may be (unsuccessfully) trying to meet through the shopping. For example, someone who is deeply unsatisfied in their marriage, may long for love and connection and attempt to fill their “emotional void” with the excitement of the search or finding new things, or looking for beautiful items that make them feel creative and alive or distract themselves from facing the unhappiness in their marriage. In the long term, those items will not really meet their underlying need for love and connection with their partner, and instead may lead them to a never ending cycle of an urge, an impulsive buy and getting to the same place of feeling empty, alone, guilty, disconnected and not able to control themselves.
Some of these are the more in depth issues that we will certainly address during our work together. In sessions you will learn to have a healthier relationship with money and spending and figure out different ways in which you can make some changes to really meet your needs in healthier and more effective ways.
With all the debt I have acquired with my overshopping, is it really worth it to pay for therapy?
This is a valid and common concern for most overshoppers who may have accumulated some debt as a result of their overspending. And frankly it is a common concern for anyone who is thinking about starting therapy in general. Adding an additional expense considering the high cost of living for New Yorkers and any debt you have is a serious and important decision.
If you decide to do it, it will cost you not only financially but it also requires a commitment of your time, your effort, and your attention to your overshopping issue, which can be difficult and challenging to face.
Nevertheless, your mental health is as important as your physical health, and therapy can honestly be the best investment in your sense of well-being. People tend to invest in their physical well-being without thinking too much about it, because it’s a “necessary” expense. Think about it, if you were in physical pain most of the time, most likely you would end up going to the doctor to figure out what’s causing it and seek for relief or a solution through treatment.
Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is extremely important too.
The truth is, that feeling like you are stuck due to your overshopping has a HUGE cost in your life and it is not only a financial one.
There are other undesirable consequences of overshopping; it affects your relationships, the way you feel every day when you wake up (emotionally and physically), the way you can perform at work, school work or your daily life tasks, your sense of personal development and at a spiritual level, you may feel disconnected or lost, you may feel dishonest with the most important people in your life by carrying this big secret with you too.
You can feel like you lack a sense of community, and like your values and your lifestyle are mismatched. You have been doing things that do not seem aligned with what you deeply care about and what you feel speaks to your heart and values.
When considering if therapy is a good investment or not, you can ask yourself a few questions.
How much have I overspent in the in the last 6 months and can I afford not to do anything about this?
How will my life be affected if I spend the same amount or more in the next 6 months?
What will my life look like 3 months from now if I don’t do anything about it?
What will I be missing if I decide to postpone “reaching out for help” once again?
What could I gain if I decide to invest in addressing my concerns within the context of support and confidentiality?
Ultimately, the investment in therapy to address your overshopping might be very little compared to the long-term costs of not doing anything about what you are struggling with.
But so many people have worse problems than I do, shouldn’t I be able to figure this out for my relationship on my own?
Everyone struggles at different points in life. Overshopping is a particularly challenging issue because unfortunately our society doesn’t truly recognize it as a “real” issue. As a therapist working with overshoppers for years, Marcela still faces laughs and jokes when she speaks about what she does and her passion to help people have better relationships with shopping, their spending, and money.
During difficult times in life, we tend to be more vulnerable and therefore we can easily get stuck in the process. We can also have clear memories about past challenges that we were successfully able to deal with, but this one is taking the best out of us. There is nothing wrong with you for that. Sometimes we manage to figure things on our own but sometimes we don’t. It happens.
We cannot possibly have all the solutions for all the challenges we encounter, and therapy is one way to figure things out in the context of a supportive environment where you can further explore different options that you may have not considered.
People who search for therapy have usually attempted different ways to face their dilemmas but for different reasons, they cannot always succeed.
There are many things you can do to deal with overshopping, and you probably have already tried a few options but have not found relief yet and do not feel better either. In therapy, you can further explore other possibilities and still figure things out as you go, on your own but in the context of a supportive relationship with your therapist.
I am so busy and I don’t have time to commute to therapy every week
As a New Yorker herself (Marcela is an immigrant but has lived in NY long enough to consider myself herself a New Yorker), she totally understands that people in the city are extremely busy and that the thought of adding a weekly commitment to our schedules can seem like an impossible task.
The first step is to really think how important it is to you to deal with your overshopping and how will your life be different if you could feel a sense of control over it again. If your answer is that it is something that truly needs your attention and you need support, there are some options.
The practice office is conveniently located in midtown Manhattan close to Grand Central Station and Penn Station so that could make it easier if you commute in and out of the city for work. It can also give subway commuters options as most train lines pass by or are easily accesible to Grand Central Terminal or Penn Station.
The other option for people with super busy schedules is that we have a lot of experience providing online therapy. People are surprised about how comfortable and convenient this option can be. We encourage you to try this option if the time limitation is what is stopping you from taking this step, and you can do it from the comfort of your own office/home as long as you have a private space available.
If you’re interested in working with us through online therapy to address your overshopping or overspending, please schedule a free 20-minute consultation call or fill out our contact form to discuss beginning therapy with us.
