4 Ways to Communicate Better as a Couple When It Comes to Difficult Conversations

When we want to communicate with our partners, often it’s spontaneous.

Maybe it starts out as a casual conversation but then drifts towards a more serious topic. Or, we have something that we want to say but are always looking for the “right" moment to say it.

But that moment never comes, and what we want to communicate comes out at the wrong time in the wrong way.

A moment for greater connection is lost. In its place is a misunderstanding at best, and an argument at worst. But it’s possible to avoid this problem.

Here are four ways to communicate better as a couple with difficult conversations.

1. Have a Plan

First, it’s useful to have a plan when discussing difficult or sensitive issues. For example:

• Agreeing together on an appropriate time and place to talk. For instance, at home after dinner on Tuesday.

• Have an outline or make bullet points on what to cover. This provides a guide to work off of.

• Ensure there are no other distractions, such as a pressing meeting or other commitments.

And, don’t forget to turn off the phone! These days we often seem to forget that our phone our on when we least expect it. Our partners deserve our 100% focus.

2. Slow Down

When first getting into the topic, we might find ourselves going too fast, too soon. There can be a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling about. Thus, it’s easy to get caught up in them.

But, we then find ourselves having trouble communicating what we want to say in a way that makes sense. So, take a few deep breathes, relax the tension in the muscles, and start off slowly. Let the words come naturally so they don’t feel forced.

3. Let Go of Winning

Too often we think of conversations with our partners as situations where either one or the other has to “win.” Why is that? Maybe it’s because of how western culture approaches relationships in general. But that doesn’t help when communicating about a topic that’s sensitive or difficult to convey.

Remember, keep in mind that the goal is for neither partner to win. Rather, the objective is to express what we want to say in a way that is healthy, appropriate, and understandable. That ought to be the “win.”

However, if we find ourselves getting sucked into a back-and-forth with our partners, then perhaps that’s a signal to pause. Let’s take a moment to regains our composure, and start again when we are both ready to listen.

4. Work Towards Agreement and Understanding

Ultimately, the end result of these conversations is that both partners feel understood. That means we not only take the time to express what we feel to our partners. It also means that we intentionally listen to their response too. How has what we said affected them? Do they agree, disagree, or are neutral? Ultimately, it would be nice to come to an agreement.

However that may not always be possible. But, at least we can come away from the talk with understanding. It may be that follow-up discussions will be needed to devise an agreement that works for each of u.

When We Need More Help

These types of discussions are not always easy. But, if we hit a roadblock, additional support is available. Talking to a therapist together can be a great way to manage the discussion, stay on track, and ensure each partner is heard. The therapist isn’t a referee. A better description is a guide. Their role is not to take sides. Rather, it is to bring to the surface trends and awareness that neither partner realizes. That makes a big difference when we are trying to talk about sensitive issues.

We all will have to have difficult talks with our partners. But following the tips above can help with making those talks easier. Also, professional support is available for when we need it. Find out today how couples' counseling will help.