Reconciling After Hurt: Important Steps to Take with Your Partner

Every couple disagrees sometimes. And every once in a while, a disagreement can turn into a full-blown conflict. Maybe you and your partner got into a big fight recently, and you’re not sure how to move forward.

Or perhaps you were hurt by your partner, and they don’t seem to understand why their actions affected you so deeply.

But you both know that you’re still committed to each other. Now, you need to find a way to make up and process what happened. And most importantly, you have to work together to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

Here are a few steps you and your partner can take to reconcile after going through a rough patch.

Take Time to Breathe

First, you need to take some time to process your own emotions. When you’re angry, it can be hard to get your message across in a calm way. If you and your partner have already raised your voices at each other, it’s best to step away for at least a few minutes and allow yourself to relax alone.

Letting go of your immediate anger will allow you to think clearly so that you can express yourself without hurting your partner. You’ll also have an easier time listening to each other if you’re able to have a productive conversation rather than fighting.

Choose to Forgive

Forgiveness is a choice. And it’s not always an easy choice to make. Before you attempt to reconcile with each other, check-in with yourself to make sure that you’re genuinely ready to forgive. If your partner crossed an important boundary, or you feel truly betrayed, trying to forgive them might not be worth it.

In fact, this could lead to growing resentment down the road. And resentment often spells out the end of the relationship, anyway. But if you’re certain you can put this incident behind you and grow stronger together, make a conscious decision to forgive.

Make Sincere Apologies

Perhaps you were the one who made a mistake, and now you need to offer an apology. Or maybe your partner was the one who hurt you, and you know they owe you an apology. What goes into a sincere apology?

First of all, the person apologizing should not make any excuses - they need to fully accept responsibility for their behavior. They should offer to do something that will help make up for what happened, and they should promise not to repeat the behavior again.

Communicate Effectively

After exchanging apologies, it’s important to keep communicating. It can take time to rebuild trust, and you need to continue sharing your feelings. If you’re still feeling upset about what happened, share your thoughts with your partner. And if you think you need to have another conversation, let your partner know what’s on your mind.

Trying to hold back your feelings and brush your complicated emotions under the rug can cause problems down the road, so don’t suppress what you want to say.

Change Your Actions

The most important aspect of reconciliation is changing your behavior for the better. Both of you might have to change your habits or make different choices regarding the way you treat each other.

While nobody is perfect, and you’ll both make mistakes again, it’s important to stay committed to your new course. As you work to regain your trust in each other, each partner needs to give the other a reason to believe that they have truly changed.

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Are you and your partner struggling to reconcile after a conflict? Couples counseling can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session together.