Maintaining a Healthy Relationship Requires Mutual Respect. What Does That Mean?
What does respect in relationships look like to you?
Cleaning the kitchen counter for the next person to use?
Offering to watch a movie when you’re not in the mood for sex?
Making plans to get to know your friends without you having to ask?
Showing respect can take many forms, but at the end of the day, it’s about showing someone that you have a deep admiration for them. It means you see someone in their wholeness and believe that despite your differences, you still have fundamental love, interest, and trust for them.
Mutual respect happens when two people admire each other enough to communicate without using divisive language. This is especially important for romantic relationships where complex problem-solving happens all the time!
You may disagree with your partner sometimes, but having mutual respect for each other means you take an interest in their perspective and see its value, even if you don’t always agree with it.
Without mutual respect, every tough conversation can feel like a huge wave slowly pushing you both out to sea.
How to Show Your Partner You Respect Them
Saying you respect your partner is a lot easier than actually showing your partner some respect. Just because you don’t physically harm or verbally assault your partner doesn’t mean you automatically respect them. It just means you don’t abuse them.
Establish Trust
Showing respect can look like not acting on every anxious impulse that crosses your mind. If your partner says they’re spending the night out with friends, showing them respect would look like believing them and encouraging them to have a fun time.
If you assume your partner is cheating on you even when there’s no evidence of it, you’re disrespecting your partner by implying they can’t be trusted. Text-bombing, accusing, or tracking them won’t communicate that you’re nervous in a respectful way. (Neither will digging through their stuff without permission.)
Instead, opt for a single text or phone call that communicates your love for them and desire to see them again without intruding on their alone or social time. (To which they’re completely entitled.)
Communicate Mindfully
Communicating healthily with your partner is difficult because in order to do it, you need to know exactly how you feel about something. Trying to communicate before you’ve come to terms with your own emotions will only leave you both confused and frustrated about the point of the talk.
Remember, all relationship problems are you and your partner vs. the problem. (Even if the problem only applies to one of you, like overcoming one partner’s anxiety together.)
Try not to accuse or condemn your partner. Instead, try these tips:
Use “I” statements. (Ex. “I felt lonely last night when you left,” instead of, “Why would you leave me alone last night?”)
Ask for time to cool down and process instead of shutting down and walking away silently.
Validate their feelings when they get the courage to open up about a relationship concern. (Ex. “I totally get why you feel that way,” instead of, “No—you’re overreacting.”)
Follow Through
Relationships are the foundation of our lives, and no one wants to build their life on an unstable foundation.
Respect your partner’s time by showing up when you say you will. Call them back, keep the weeknight dinner plans, and finish the housework you said you would. If your partner loses trust in your reliability, they may emotionally separate themself from you or lash out in frustration.
Of course, there will be times when things come up—life happens! They shouldn’t chastise you for missing a movie because your dog got out, and you had to scour the neighborhood for them. (Especially if you held yourself accountable by apologizing and empathizing with their frustration.)
Outside of these special times, though, keep the peace. Follow through.
Interested in learning more healthy ways to show your partner respect? Schedule an appointment today!
